realise how much impt INPUT is without OUTPUT.
so what if i've a lot of input.... when my output is like 10% of the input...
everything has to start from scratch... from scratch...
time to let some stuff go~

yeos! i'm back again at last :)

it's been really tough through e 3 weeks that has past...

more stuff to do... more things i see myself lack of... n even more stuff

it's been never ending, and has always been that way...

there were times that i doubt myself... my ability... anything that has got to do with me :/

i even doubt my relationship with God...

Sometimes it just disgust me to think that I need to be spiritual... holy holy~

Just don't see how it relates... why bother even being a christian in the first place...

DOUBT~ it's really a pain in the ass

so what if I'm a person that do God's work... but it seems so surface... love others?

yeah i did.. but it never seems enough and I just couldnt stand a 1 sided love to others or to me...

seriously it sucks... finally understand the feeling of.... when there's the good times, people will be there for you... bad times... people just scram...

must it be that I must say that HEY! i have a problem.... but again... will people hear?

hehe... it must be sucky to be in such a pinch situation but you know what...

Jesus been through it before!

those kind of rejects and the feeling of loneliness... but still he never complained....

today... i would lyk to introduce a friend... a friend that is v dear to me, a pal that never rejects and hear my pain... and he's Jesus... he may seem unreal.... but my experience with him, gave me a confirmation that... he's e real thing man ~ my faith isnt a blind faith, i'm not someone who is brainwash or hyphotise

cause I know he's a God that has came down... died for us... and ressurcted, this IS the reason and core to our christian belief :)

this 3 weeks has been tough indeed... and this are my situation

CF is back in NYP again, i dunno what's gonna come but I can only pray that it will become a group that is strong and bonded, rooted in christ. Hope my service in cf will get me rooted and firm... discipline too ^^

Crusade is getting eggciting, pda com is whr i get to serve... dunno what role i will be but i'm eggcited! SM role.... i really dunno, but i'm still at tots but probably not :/

Boys brigade! currently a primer in charge... haven't been involve in BB for almost a month already... missing a lot of action and interaction wif the boys and volunteers. It's really not easy to multi task... but still I know that this ministry will still go on.... it shape lives and build character

Church involvement... woo, have been quite drain from the involvement in church plus fellowship... preparing for JMZ was draining but i guess it's something worth doing.. keep it up guys! More church stuffs coming up... classes.... and more classes.

Studies... hehe! long last... i've started a bit of revision already :D 5 more weeks till common test! hope i can really make a difference this year and so on. I'll do my best... and i'll prove it :) i'm not e mugger sort... just do my homework early tat's all :) plus recap. yeah~

Social circle... haha! friends... i have many... but to find dear friends... it's not easy... I'm glad and thankful for those who have heard my cries... and sorry for those i've shut myself from... everyone is different, and have different needs... it's really hard to get one's conversation going especially when there's this gap among each other... but how to... close e gap then? still pondering... Friends out there... keep going... may things good or bad.. keep pushing... if it's really putting weight... i'll giv u support... but ultimately.... know your direction well :)

friends... if i've done anything stupid or wrong... forgive me... i too will forgive and forget... so let the matter rest and we'll conquer the future together :)

Family... hoho tmr is mother's day! hope to give my mummy a surprise. shh it's a secret but i'm gonna clean the whole house tmr! rawr. My mom has done all kinds of shit for my family... it's time for me to grow up and start to care for my parents by doing something :)

my uncle from my mum's side has just past away... last sat 1/5... i dunno who is he... but he's a v dear uncle in my mum's eyes... he's lyk her best ge ge ever... though he's a non-christian... but he lives lyk a true man... a man with a pure heart... i didnt even get to see the last of him till now... and i feel really ashame... today he's been rested... i feel so ashamed really and useless... and when i think about what i'm gonna do next... i stumble.... what am i going to do now? i still have many relatives out there i dun even know let alone e gospel... so what if i'm involve in many christian stuff... when my closest doesnt even see it in me that character and attitude...

ashame and useless i am...

Relationship... haiz i really dunno what i am thinking really... it feels lyk i really wanna get a relationship... but when i think about it... i guess it's really the need to have someone close to talk to... and i guess... i wouldnt need a partner for that... but i still stumble... I know... i need to ren... priortise! but i really dunno... i'm lost lyk always... but i guess this is one thing i know... if God wants you to have it... surely u will have it... if he doesnt wan you to have it... surely no matter how hard... it will be wasted... girl... u've started to crack me... but surely... if u'll the one... hehe i'll wait :)

hehe another long blog... wanna keep track of wad i've been doing before i forget so ya tata~ night and God bless!