hello everybodie~
Looks lyk i broke my own promise xD
not gonna blog abt the book...
gt it returned to the library and couldnt get it back :(
Feels great to type again
This week is sports week!(for me)
Sunday> Bball, running...
Monday> Swimming
Tues> Batminton,pool,wii~
Wed> Swim again...
Thursday> Batminton again...
Friday> Hiking~
Saturday... i dunno...
Sunday> Running!
Wonder if i'll finally gain my balance weight after so many activities...
but they sure are tiring :/
Feels great to be in poly~
But all gd things will go down with something bad :(
Last week was quite "emotional"...
wasnt having the right mood for camp and chalet
but all bad things come wif gd things
met new freshies and got an nyp junior in BBpc at last T.T
was so lonely then...but! all bad thing comes wif something good~~
learned to tone down...
learned to listen....
learned to care but without asking for interest :D
Somethings been alone can be a gd thing too but wif MODERATION....
too lonely and u're become a emo kia = not healthy
too people orientated = lose focus = not healthy :/
but seems lyk i'm both the extreme at times... hop around D:
Recently... I've almost fell i luvvv...
finally gt a little taste of that "feel"...
but I thank God for that book =.=
it has taught me to keep my feeeel aside and wait...
feelings are neither right or wrong BUT the decision after is the problem.
so boys and gals~ whenever u think u've found ur target...
Aim... but dun fire immediately cuz u'll never know wad u're up to until u....
zoom zoom here and thr.... until u're certain... and dun shoot when u're not ready too...
gt a lot of report writing to do wor...
Just using some illustration thr~
Anw... for me... i think i'm just not ready yet :)
Wad's mine is mine so why bother finding xD
Sick of finding and chasing and fake perception...
so.... dun try too hard pls~ wad's ur's ur's
too hard only scare ppl away~ too slack and there goes again~
but rather be slack than hard cuz u're never know.
I love my life~ feel so recharge and focus
BUT! still need to work on the moderation part :)
tata gonna chiil on e bed liao night!

gimme another 3 days :) will be back here again...
will be sharing on a book title "Life on the edge"
Some thoughts on this book...
This book aim to reach out to youths lyk me...
who are still slowly shaping into something...
but seems that the society has stained most of us...
and the wrong seems right... and the right seems wrong...
this book teaches and shares about different challenges a youth can expect
in the coming years...
If u're interested... come and pop by this sun :)
will be just covering chap by chap (just some insights i have)

Anw... just gt back from camp and chalet
Gt to clear up my many thoughts in this few days...
so now i'm fresh again! :D
Lvling up slowly....
And soon... i'll have a room of my own
time to be artistic xD

Finally semester 2 is OVER!
It's time for a break...
but seems to be a tiring one for now...
often find myself not please...
nth pleases me... sastify me...
seems that i'm just a super obsessed bull that keeps ramming into walls...
turning back to the starting line and that fact never changes...
For the past 30 mins... i've been struggling to find something to do online...
chat wif someone online? watch some shows online? maybe manga will be gd hmm... facebook?
check my profile(hope something pops up?)
but ended up, i went to hop blogs :)
This past few days, i've been trying hard to learn how to play guitar... but until day 9
that passion suddenly died... but i've learn a bit.... but i know i need to push myself...
wanted to improve my languages... but still didnt had to courage to start...
Found an interesting book from the library about how to oriented oneself....my purpose for studying...that aim... borrowed but seems to have collected dust halfway through...
BB commitments... still unsettled... still uncertain.
church fellowship.... feeling a bit far away... but i'll con't to try...
studies... been a drag... but i pray that somehow God will show me the way...
Family... mom's going for eye checkup today... i pray i pray that nth serious will happen.
Dad on mission trip in thailand... pray for his journey mercy
my little bro... pray that he can more motivated in his studies... so that he won't be lyk me...
little coco... pray that she will not find us too cold to her as we dun have enough time to
keep her company...
everyone has been quite moody for some reasons... pray that God will keep us calm and
and give us the peace we needed most...
pray that i won't be too self-orientated and start caring the one around him...
Nyp campus crusade... found a v heart warming group of christians that are unknowningly so close to me but yet... i still have a doubtful heart...
Pray that i know and learn what God wants me to do soon... I'm really drain...
but often i question myself... am i closing myself away from him? am i just not gd enough?
Sometime ago... when i heard from someone prasing me that i've grown spiritually well... i disgust as i recall... in my mind it goes... are u sure? Sometimes the thought just switches on and off.
My life has been revolving round many things... many things... so much that I dunno what am i revolving at.
I've realise that praying alone won't just do it... preparation for it is also a must do...
The same logic as pooing and eating...( think this is a bad example though..) dun eat... can't poo = not healthy... dun poo... can't eat... = v bad for health.
So likewise... prayer and preparation comes together...

when i was in the library the other day.... i gt this book( which is the one that is collecting dust at home...) said this important phrase that stuck me
" What makes this period ( young adulthood life 16 - 26 ) even more significant is the impact of early mistakes and erros in judgment. They can undermine all that is to follow. A bricklayer knows he must be very carful to get his foundation absolutely straight, any wobble in the bricks at the bottom will create an even greater tilt as the wall goes up. So it is in life."
At that point i finally re-called the non-stop nagging from my parents when i was young...
boy... work hard ... and you will be rewarded greatly...
Likewise in God's kingdom...
yeah work hard.... but work smart...
Often found myself saying yes to everything ppl ask me...
Often found myself having too much friends...( gd or bad idk)
Often found myself tired and alone at the end of the day...
Often foundd myself being less active then others... but at least they know when to rest...
Often found myself having different friends to hang out wif almost every week...
But i know... thr is one friend that never changes... God himself... but still =.= i'm still far away...
If only i can be that somebody that can do things up swiftly and accurate...
Someone that has that NERVE.... to be decisive... and not waver... not too lax... but comfortable...
someone that is dependable on....
If only i can do this stuff... i would definately be... a christ orientated person...
Maybe from this blog on... i will set targets for myself :) as a kind of contract for myself xD

Anw... i'm v comforted to see everyone else doing quite well :) especially my church batch peeps :)
no matter wad dun give up! :)
Fellowship peeps :) Thanks for having me
Crusade... Thanks for ur patience...
Family... Thanks for the support u've give me...
BB... Thanks for everything =.=
Friends... I dunno...

Night guys... sry for e messy post again..

yeos. long time since i've typed in this white box...

Currently... i'm quite stable in my juggling of stuff :)

especially when i'm having holiday now!

more time to think about stuff

The previous posts that i uploaded were all small complains...

badmouthing my course...

After this many months of struggle..

i seem to withdraw from the rejection i once had for that course...

Previously i was just so certain so head on in having the course changed...

I tot that i was just a screwed up poly student

My mindset keeps changing... which i realise was my weakness

From sec 4... from choosing pharmacy... to food science... to architecture and to... food science again... and again...

This just showed me how indecisive i am...

I'm utterly ashame of myself.. really...

But... i realise something... that this is He's plan for me...

Whenever i look back at myself... i smile... but when i look at wad's in front of me i shrink away...

this shouldnt be...

haiz.. touch 2 weeks i had since the letter of rejection came into my life =.=

i wasnt really stress on being rejected... it's the decision i have to made next...

(the what's next thingy)

cuz there's 2 option for me... stay on as a food scientist OR appeal to MP

Previously... my stand was... if letter come and it rejects me to change course then i will stay on in my current studies....

but mom say that... should con't to press on to break the door in, find other solutions... the MP thingy is she suggest one also... at first i was quite ok with it, but somehow it just rejects me...

and today's the the i meet the person... i dunno if i should or not... so i still have 18 hrs to think about and pray...

After this few months of falling and climbing...falling and climbing back... it isnt a waste... in my view... cuz i've gain something more valuable... once i know my goal... i'll cling on it for life! hope my vision comes real soon :D wait and pray and i'll make preparation too in the mean time.

Currently this is my core prob... hope once this settle i will be a freeeeeeeeee man :)

to be con't~

wooooo...
life was great last year
but this year will be an extra~ ordinary one!
As I started to count the number of things to thank for...
i was shock, today had this wonderful session to appreciate our sms.
It was great to come down as a body to thank them for all their efforts
but let not our effort be the glory :)
I've always been wondering and sometimes even getting frustrated over the things
I've been through and the times i have to make decisions and even to open my mouth...
Sometimes i just blame it on God... sometimes i just shut down.
Everyday seem like just another day... struggling to survive that ever demanding world...
school... social life stastifaction... trend... etc.
Life was never good when i first stepped in my nyp days...
there was much of hope for me there to pursue this course of mine...
but i guess it was already planned beforehand...
as i tried to recall when i was making that decision to choose my course...
I wanted to do this things if i were to get into nyp >>>
Get to know even MORE people...
wan to be someone different from the rest...
wanna step out of my comfort zone...
wanna get into pharm course...

It's true that the sem was a bigg struggle... even till now.
n i was thinking... was i prepared to go tat far?
at tat time i was also eager to test my faith in God by going to that school...
n i wasnt even thinking of graduating from tat school
But after the things i have experience, seen, heard during my sem 1 i n nyp...
God taught me a lot... a lot even till now.
Some parts of me stayed and some parts of me changed.
Through the sem.. God spoke to me through many ways...
n i guess i got it right this time.
He has place many brothers and sisters around me...
n to actually have them sharing their past experience which is so relavent to the me right now.
I guess it was never a coincident but God's plan.
As the days goes by in poly... i start to waver... my believe... my faith... my life
but then again... through those days... those "hardship",
i'm able to pull myself back up n really orient myself.
Grades and involvement in school had always been e root to my frustration...
but now it seems all clear...
that i have to really have faith... n that wadever i do... do my best and I will be rewarded in ways that i can't think of.
Being an nyp student was never a sacrifice... being a person who goes out of comfort zone was neither a sacrifice... It was e least i could do. and that humbled me.
Life is indeed short and fragile, but I really do hope that the little things i do... the things i say will be indeed God's will for us our future and it's still his plan.
His love for us is indeed forever and he is always thr to hear our crys and share our joy.
it's e least we could do.
night everyone God bless :)

tired >.<
ytd was a Wonderfull day...
a bright bright day
finally able to get back up again :)
gonna keep the ball rolling in class
no more mr slacker lol
today i finally came early for CLASS ( clap clap ) lol
gt to choing many many things. happiness lol
choing many things = lesser hwk xD
more time for other events :)
now i've decided that my weekdays are choing days...
and my weekends are my hiong days lol
i dun feel stress all of a sudden :o
thank God for pulling me through this
for letting me know what is my number 1,2,3, etc etc :)
Always thr to be amaze o.o
ok liao time to roll around the bed le...
tmr 9a.m! choing ah lol

once again... i'm back right here
blog only when i'm moody :/
not going too well...
not running as smooth as it was before
not living a balance life
i'm soooo lost right now :/
this is already the 11 month yet i still can't get use to the course i'm in...
everyday more things get jam up into my head but sometimes it just falls out
then when i get back home... wad i see is me on the bed texting msgs or in front of the com...
homeworks are always coming yet i still went to play =.=
playing com games really drain me a lot and i think it is tat problem tat lead me into this state of me
really piss with myself.
every saturday and sunday... i see myself as a very active person.
but when the weekdays come... i feel so pathetic.
this emotional ride is giving me the recks.
Sometimes i really hate to say it but i really can't get use to the people in my school.
it's true that there are nice people out thr in the school especially those in the campus crusade :)
but i just couldnt relate to them... they just seem so far.
i dunno why did i put myself in this school n why God really throws me this challenge.
It's really a pain in the ass.
Today.. i skipped school.
Woke up in the morning 7a.m and told myself...
"john, today i'm gonna recapped on the pass 3 weeks lectures"
and guess wad... i played for lyk 5 hours...
i dunno why but i always turn to them when i'm stress out....
it isnt healthy at all for me =.= but it always seem lyk the only way out...
after tat i studied but only accomplished a little.
even in school i get distraction, rejection is really hard... friends asking to go out to play...
Relax! have fun in poly...
yeah true, but being a student in poly is to study... studying is the fun thing not playing.
which really pissed me yet again ... peer pressure are really very influencial ...
sometimes i tot that i could handle them but yet... things happen
oh God... why me =.=
why is it that when i'm back to fellowship... i always felt something...
but when i'm back to society... it feels lyk hell.
why is it that i can't relate to you when times like this happen.
I'm sick and tired of being a soloer. i just wan to be a follower... not a hamster, but a camper
buffeer buffer...